Procrastadabbler

Two things I read this weekend that somewhat shook my thinking.

First, the way in which country music or country and western music is looked down upon as being not good, or less than, or less than intellectual, or popular, or superficial, or whatever perjorative term you wish to use. The author made the point that this negativity toward country and western music is based in classism. C&W and country in general is the music of the working class. Rap and hip-hop because of it’s association with urban Black culture is considered cool. People who put down rap and hip-hop are considered racist. Yet, those who put down C&W are not reminded that their viewpoint is based in class heirarchy. There’s little irony and symbolism in C&W. If you watch a C&W music video, it’s pretty literal. It reminds me of what Heath wrote about Roadville and their relationship to text. I had my eyes opened to some classist stances I have taken on.

Second, an article in RTE about literature and working class girls. It rang true for me. The author could have been describing my experience in education. She argued that the working class girls in her study silenced themselves in the classroom in order to construct themselves as good students. I know that is what I have done. How painful it is for me to speak my mind in a public forum. I find myself feeling out of place in so many situations that it is more comfortable to be silent. The quote “It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. ” has been attributed to many, but it is one that consistently hovers in my mind. So I am often silent. Linda Christensen’s article about her accent and how it othered her also speaks to me. I often feel out of place because I am unsure of how to pronounce certain words. I am not fluent or even passingly familar with different languages. I feel stupid when I am in the company of people who can pronounce French words with correctly. I don’t know how to fluently say synecdoche (I keep wanting to say Schenectady). And when I am silent, after the fact, I often worry and wonder whether I sabotaged myself or made myself to look a fool by saying stupid things. I also admire people who have the confidence to speak and to be open to the world. I haven’t the confidence for that.

It is why writing is important to me. It is one place where I can hone my words and take care before I send them out to the world. Yet it is also frightening to send those words out for they make me vulnerable. After all, there lies the written truth that I don’t know anything.

So, these two little articles raised many issues for me. I’m a snob and I’ve gotten to where I am by playing the role of the good girl and the good student. So what’s it all mean? Right now, I take it upon myself to notice how I construct my students. To notice, who speaks and who is silent in my classes. To find out who these students are and to construct ways for them to share their voice (not find their voice, because they already have one). It is my task to recognize the hidden ways in which I participate in othering and to address that struggle within myself.