Procrastadabbler

One of my greatest weaknesses is that I get bored easily. I don’t mean that I can’t entertain myself on a long summer afternoon. I’m actually quite good at that. What I mean is that once I reach a certain level of mastery of something or understanding of something, I get tired of doing it or thinking about it. So I want to move on.

I think that’s what is going on with my writing. It’s been seven years since I began my doctorate and a little over two since I completed it. During the years of working on the Ph.D., as hard as it was, it was exciting because it was a constant journey of discovery. Everything was new. I had a question I wanted to answer and I was seeking ways to think about that question. I came a long way in those five years, and the past two years have been about consolidating what I learned and figuring out the best ways to share that. I’ve done so through a few publications and in my teaching. I grew tired of my dissertation research (something that I’m told is quite common) and moved on to new research, which I’m now in the process of analyzing and writing about.

The problem is, I don’t feel as if I’m really moving forward. I feel as if I’m rehashing stuff we already know. The data I have points to cultural historical activity theory as the most appropriate lens for analysis. So I’ve been reading and rereading the theory and studies using the theory in order to refresh my understandings of the theory and it’s applications. It’s good stuff, but it feels like its nothing new, nothing eye opening.

I know that every article doesn’t have to be earth shattering. Good solid research is needed. I don’t need to be a groundbreaker (not that I ever would be), but the old boredom syndrome kicks in.

Then, last night, I read the blog of Joanne Larson, my graduate advisor and mentor. She writes briefly about the need to resist social inequities, and she reminded me of why I do this. In my own feeble way, I am trying to address some of the inequities of social life. I’m not convinced there’s much I can do from where I am, except to help students develop a critical lens through which to understand the world and then to develop ways to work toward a transformation of the world. It’s a large order.

What I’ve just realized is that what I need to do is revisit the theory I’m using and ask, how can this contribute to a transformative stance toward education? I have some ideas, and that raises a new problem. I have to investigate a whole new area of educational research.

From there arises my second weakness — laziness.

It’s easy to keep going on the intellectual path I’m on. It’s scary to start something new. But if I’m going to be the person I want to be, I’m going to have to pull out my mental machete and start hacking my way into a new set of literature.