Procrastadabbler

I decorated for Christmas today. Didn’t feel like it, but did it anyway. This year is so weird. Usually I’m all psyched about Christmas, but this year we won’t be here. I think it’s a control issue thing. Ever since the kidlings were little I was in control of Christmas. Decorating, cooking, shopping, wrapping, coordinating the day. This year I’m barely doing any of it. So it doesn’t feel like Christmas to me. I forced myself to decorate, and I’m glad I did. Not as much as I did in the past, but enough. It makes me realize how much I miss my kids.

Yesterday we went out for dinner with my brother-in-law and his son. The son is 16. He wants to be a pilot and he is taking flying lessons. But his grades aren’t good enough to get him into a top aviation school or ROTC. I know the literacy theory stuff but it really hit me hard yesterday when I was looking at the stuff he had laid out on the coffee table that he was using to create a flight plan (for his first cross country solo flight). The literacies involved in this are incredible. The level of knowledge and cognitive work required to do what he’s doing is breath-taking. Yet he’s barely scraping by in school – not cause he can’t do the work but because he won’t because it is boring and irrelevant. So, because he’s not willing to play the school game, he can’t get into the college he wants. Yeah, I know, this is nothing new – but it really hits you when you encounter it in person.

I’m supposed to be writing a book proposal. I was asked for it several years ago and keep putting it off. This was supposed to be the year. I’ve got it roughed out and I hate it. I think I’m really not ready for a book yet. I don’t think I have enough of substance to say. I’ve got two articles in the pipeline and I want to get another few written. But I’m supposed to be working on this book. I end up writing nothing.

Gee, I whine a lot.