Lately I’ve been rethinking my career. I’m going to be 52 this summer. My two brothers are already retired. I have friends and other who are thinking of retiring. And here I am worrying about tenure and publishing and career building. Why am I working so hard? What am I trying to accomplish? What is it that I really want out of my life?
My husband asked me for three words to capture what I want out of my life. Thus far I’ve come up with
1) Intellectual stimulation (he says that counts as one word)
What about 2 and 3?
I’ve continued to think about it and have come up with number 2.
2) To make a positive difference in the world (I’m counting that as one word)
Still working on number 3.
And given those two things thus far identified, does my career path help me to reach my goals?
And can I achieve those goals without diminishing the quality of my life?
Maybe that’s number 3.
3. Balance and joy (ok, that’s two words).
Some how, it seems that the day I get it all figured out is the day of my death. And maybe it won’t even happen then.
1 response so far ↓
1
Gillian Howell
// Aug 7, 2009 at 8:58 am
Retiring at 52 sounds crazy – that’s so young! Although, I re-read what you wrote and see that it is your brothers who have retired… maybe they are older than you. For what it’s worth, I don’t see why anything that you are doing (the research, the writing) is so strange. It seems to me that you are at the perfect time in life to be researching and writing and letting all the ideas that have been building through a working life to get really digested and clear and tell-able. And why not work hard? Maybe you are just someone who thrives on ideas and teasing things out, and who sets themselves ambitious goals. You’d probably bored if you stopped, and would start looking for another project anyway. I also think that study is one of the things that we choose to do for ourselves. It is really important. It doesn’t need to be ‘for’ anything else although of course, it ends up being wider than just for ourselves, because we learn things, and disseminate, and contribute to others’ learning, etc. I think it is incredibly valuable.
Part of the process of this kind of endeavour (research, but also tricky arts collaborations, or other undertakings with infinite possible outcomes and more questions than answers), when we are dealing with hypotheses and possibilities, and unknowns, and questions and curiousities, is hitting the roadblocks. You know this already, I’m sure, and I don’t imagine I am saying anything groundbreaking here… but it is always worth reminding ourselves that these darkest points in a creative process are followed by breakthroughs. So do make sure there is space in your day, and in your mind, for the breakthroughs to break through.
Which reminds me of that lovely Leonard Cohen quote: “There are cracks in everything – that’s how the light gets in”.
And lastly… my mum kind of retired this year (she is 67, and by the way, probably the most interesting work of her life took place from the age of about 58… or even 60). I say ‘kind of’ because I don’t think her heart is really in it. While I’m sure she loves all that free time, I think she’d prefer to be working more. Fortunately, lots of consultancy stuff seems to be starting up for her from September – a strange time of year for things to start up on this side of the world. I don’t think she, or my dad, or I, or probably anyone I know, actually, will ever retire. We might just take slightly longer holidays.
Hmmm. Sorry for the essay. Hang in there. And enjoy the summer!
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